


I’m Spinning (How Quick The Sun Can Drop Away) (KLAUS HARGREEVES)

by RockWithItWriting



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-27 06:20:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20403094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockWithItWriting/pseuds/RockWithItWriting
Summary: klaus feels what you felt so long ago, and ends up on your doorstep. is ben watching? does he care?





	1. Chapter 1

When Klaus showed up to your apartment sober, shaking, and sobbing you knew something was wrong. He’d been gone for three days, but that wasn’t anything new. You’d expected him to end up on your doorstep at some point in the week, but he was different. Skinnier. More traumatized than he had ever been before.

So of course you let him in.

He collapsed in your arms and you dragged him to your room, shushing him the whole time. It wasn’t until he whimpered that you realized he was actually talking underneath all of the tears. “How did you do it?” He begged, “How did you deal with it?” He clung to you as you hefted him into the bed, still sobbing.

“Do what?” You huffed, “Klaus, what the hell is wrong?” You were concerned, yes, but what if Klaus wasn’t sober? What if this was some awful drug trip he was on, and you were caught in the crossfire? It certainly felt like it when his sobbing stifled to a minimum and he pulled back to look at you.

“How did you figure out how to deal with not having Ben?” His voice cracked, and so did your resolve, so you pulled him into a vice grip of your arms without answering. You didn’t want to tell him the truth: you didn’t. You never dealt with it. Sometimes you still woke up screaming Ben’s name, watching the bullet tear through his chest. Most of the time you thought about Ben in the shower, under the water, where the rhythmic pounding of the water on your back drowned out all of your thoughts. Klaus clawed closer to you, until the both of you were intertwined on your bed. He smelled like gun smoke. “Please, how did you do it?”

“Klaus, what happened?” You were terrified to know the answer, afraid of what horror Klaus had seen. He had seen so much, been privy to death for too long… You could remember Klaus stumbling into your bed to lay between your body and Ben’s when your lover was still alive. The thought made your chest hurt. “You have to tell me, darling.” Please don’t tell me.

“I… Fell in love. I loved him, I did. I would have died for him, but now he’s gone! He’s gone and I’m not and it’s not fucking fair!” He was yelling, and you had neighbors. You didn’t care - it’s not like you could think about anything besides your grief. Your grief for Ben, for Klaus, for Klaus’ lover. “You have to tell me how to make it stop hurting. It hurts.”

“It will never stop hurting.” Your voice shook against his forehead, your own feat tears rolling down your face to mingle with his. “It will hurt every single day until you die. Sometimes it won’t hurt as much, but then it will. God, Klaus, I am so sorry. This pain won’t ever go away. Not with drugs, not with booze, not with time. You’ve fallen in love and lost, and this is the price you have to pay. It’s going to hurt so much you don’t want to be alive, but you have to be. Because you’ve got a family, and they need you-” You’re sobbing by the time Ben interrupts you.

“Ben is here, he’s always been here.” Klaus cried out and clung to you when you tried to pull away, but he was weak from crying. You managed to make it across the room, pushing yourself against the wall.

“Don’t say that. You don’t get to say that, not after-” The sentence hung in the air around the both of you. Klaus was sober enough now and then to remember what had happened. “Klaus, I want to help you, I do. But I can’t. I can’t. I’m sorry. We can, there’s… I go see a counselor, I can get you an appointment tonight, if you want, but I can’t.”

“I didn’t tell you because Ben didn’t want me to, but now he does. He doesn’t- please. Please, I need you. I need someone, I need to know that Dave was real.” Klaus looked skinnier, thick in places with muscle that he wasn’t before. His face looked haggard, and there was dirt and blood on his hands. It was on your bed - it was on you, too!

“Klaus, what the fuck?” Your hands were covered in blood, and Klaus seemed to recognize he was bloody as well. “Oh, God, is that his blood?” He didn’t answer, but the horrified look on his face confirmed the fact that the blood was his lover’s. “Come on, let’s go.” You helped walk Klaus to the shower, stepping in with him. Neither of you bothered to close the curtain, or adjust the water temperature. You’re not sure how long you both stood under the freezing water, or when the blood was completely gone, because you found yourself curled up with Klaus again on the bottom of the shower.

“He was the first person to treat me like a person, except for you and Ben.” Klaus finally admitted. “Don’t tell me that the others do, because they don’t. Diego thinks I’m a worthless, wasteful druggie. Vanya doesn’t talk to any of us. Allison would rather rumor me than help me get clean, Luther’s too far up her ass to give a damn about anyone besides himself, and Five? Five’s an egotistical little prick when he’s not being condescending.” Klaus took a shuddering breath against your neck. “But you, and Ben? You talk to me like I’m worth something.”

You were crying again, but doing your damn best not to let him know. “You are worth something, Klaus. You’re worth everything, just like Ben was.”

“But Dave?” Klaus continued like he didn’t hear you. Maybe he didn’t. “He made me believe I’m worth something. He didn’t go out of his way, he just did. He did things, and I believed them. He kissed me, and I felt like I wanted to get clean, just so I could remember the way his skin felt against mine. Am I cursed? Am I cursed to have everyone I love taken from me? Ben, Dave… Is God going to take you next?” Klaus tightened his arms around you.

“I’m not going anywhere, Klaus. Even if I die, I’ll be with you. I’ll always be with you, until you tell me to go.” Somewhere in your apartment complex a toilet flushed. The water went blisteringly hot for a second, but then back to freezing. Klaus shivered. You closed your eyes. You wondered if Ben really was there, watching the both of you. You wondered where Klaus had met and fallen in love with Dave in less than a week. You wondered if you and Klaus would ever reach a semblance of okay, or if you’d be stuck in a loop of blisteringly-hot-and-freezing-cold.


	2. Hide My Head (I Want To Drown My Sorrow)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just months after ben’s death, you seek comfort in Klaus and his abilities. turns out, ben hit the road when you needed him most.

Klaus left your apartment in the early hours of the morning. He was headed home, and you made sure that Diego let you know when he arrived. You stayed in the shower, adjusting the water until you warmed up.

You couldn’t stop thinking about Ben. Klaus had told you, insisted that he was still here, but how true could that be? Other ghosts could knock things over, some could even speak to people who couldn’t see them! So why wasn’t Ben? Why wasn’t Ben? As you got out of the shower you thought about the time that you had gone to Klaus, like he had come to you.

It was only a few months after Ben had died, and a few months after the funeral. You were living life in a haze, and had taken up drinking. You didn’t remember how you got to the Hargreeves house that night, or how you got home to the apartment that smelled too much like Ben, but it happened. You remembered the inbetween, though. You fell through the door and Luther carried you to Klaus’ room, leaving you on the bed unceremoniously. Klaus stumbled in and immediately sobered up, taking you into his arms. “What’s wrong?” He cooed, and kissed your cheek.

“I can’t do this without Ben, Klaus. I can’t.”

“You can,” He rallied, shaking your shoulders. “I believe in you.”

“I want to see him, Klaus. Please,” Your voice broke and you began to cry, to really cry, for the first time since you watch Ben get shot. “I just need… Just one more minute with him.” Klaus was silent for nearly five minutes, until he sighed against your temple. “I’m begging you, Klaus, I feel like I’m going to die without seeing Ben again.”

“He’s not here.” Tenderly, Klaus whispered your name, “He didn’t come back, not after the funeral.” You choked on your breath, Klaus rubbing your chest to stimulate some air flow before you passed out.

“He- The- He was- The funeral-?”

“He was, but he didn’t… He didn’t stay long, just a flash, I’m so sorry…” Klaus was crying, too, his tears dripping from his chin to your neck. “If I could, but I can’t.” You shook your head, squirming away from Klaus.

“I can’t do this anymore.” And then you left his bed, his room, his house, and you moved out of your apartment and, well, none of you spoke of that day until Klaus showed up at your door shaking, sober, and sobbing.


End file.
